i want to be cared for
(cloudy gloomy today, maybe seasonal mood disorder)
yesterday was happy, someone gave me $20 without my asking and I thought it might be a turning point for the better, since it's the most money i've had at one time since May. I bought dental floss because i didn't have any dental floss for about a month, and i started flossing and in between all the teeth I flossed, my gums started bleeding. I was devastated that my new toothbrush, the bristles were too coarse for my gums, maybe i hvae gingivitus, and then being homeless, I drank a lot of coffee because i'm not comfortable going to sleep anywhere and I had coffeee stains at the base of my molars and the roots of my molars, the gumline is receding, and it exposes the roots and makes my teeth very sensitive.
I'll be 30 years old in October. Up until about 4 years ago, my dentist used to tell me what a perfect smile i have and to take care of it, everyone who used to care about me, even my family, has abandoned me. They gave me money for awhile after my nervuos breakdown, but they made me feel horrible, and never said anything nice that things were going to get better, only that i needed to be in a mental institution, and that I should go on welfare if i don't want to be in a mental institution. Why didn't they say "you've been through this again, we know you can do it Kurt!" They just said mental institution or welfare, like they were happy to see me fail, and just about everyone else i knew as well, they wanted to buy all my belongings, all my neighbors, for abuot %10 of their value, just supposing that i would never get better. Everyone just assumed i was going to fail, and i suppose with that many people that i loved and trusted, collectively assuming i was going to fail, i did fail. And apparently it has broken down my immune system, and now my gums are getting weak :(
I'm a smart guy, i've been a corporate travel agent for Conde Naste (vogue, esquire, Shape magazine, etc) and WWF wrestling, and Sony Music Corp , i was an after hours travel agent. Ever since that nervous breakdown, it's like everyone's true colors came through, and they rather see me start at the bottom. It's this GAP between rich and poor i saw in the paper yesterday, once you get to the bottom half of the gap, you are in the system that the rich use to keep the poor on the poor side, so i was never rich i only made $8 an hour while the company i worked for made about $300 an hour off the corporate travel services i did for them. But i don't really care about the money part, i just want to be cared for, like just be able to live normal and have all the neccesary amenities, but i suppose that the rich want to keep getting richer, and in order to do so, they have to make things more and more uncomfortable for the poor, by starting rumors the economy is bad n' stuff like that, any reason they can make up to say that they care for me, while at the asme time even my own family tells me to go away and come back when i get my life back together (otherwise i make them look bad i suppose) well that's about it, they think charity is "feed a person when they are on the brink of starvation" but do you think it feels good when other humans wait until i'm starving to lend a helping hand, and then keep me in that state of neglect and impersonal service? What is happening to this world, i used to feel like a part of something, like i was important, now i just feel like a burden and I think there is plenty of things that everyone can be a valuable part of this world, but the wealthy are just drawing all the importance to themselves, and don't want to change with the times, because that would mean they might have to put a little effort into their lives, instead of just sitting back and let the slave working class do all the work for them. Well me and my forlorn teeth and gums think that this system is oppressive, and if a cival war were to break out or if anarchists began to cause more terrorism within the United States, i would not cheer them on, but it wouldn't surprise me either because of the unfair oppression and heartless money lovin scum who run the world, or something like that , i thought i was sad but this little girl saw me crying or noticed that i had been crying, and she looked into my eyes with such concern, that i felt something TELEPATHJC she gave me the care i needed through mental telepathy and while i was feeling very miserable just 10 minutes ago and was crying about my teeth, i feel fine now, so i'm glad there are preteens who still can look into my eyes, and in just about 2 seconds of eye contact and a concerned maternal smile (since my mom don't give a shit) i feel like a million yen again. yay! thank you preteen cutey pie with braids, i'll see you in the Hereafter where we won't be surrounded by greed and oppression (read the God/Jah/Allah/Jehovah books it tells all about the greed that is consuming the human race in these Latter Days) so i am cared for i just had soul 2 soul eye contact with a Beautiful Stranger (i think that's a song by Madonna beautiful stranger) sort of left me with a sense of longing alabaster creamy hips out of dickies work pants tight little buttocks, thanks ICP network really cheered me up through synchronous mental telepathy and Reiki healing
kurt
ps- there are two interpretations of God, there is the Reiki-like healing energy of God that protects us, and then there is the Freemason american dollar 'in god we trust' reptilian scum vapour that keeps humans acting like robots and in the rat race fighting for money, (paper and green ink that's what money is)
the real god has nothing to do with money,
to put 'in god we trust' on a dollar bill is a sin! because money is the root of all evil and greed.. with the real god, money is unneccesary we will make our own toothpaste out of plants and umm, mint leaves,, (i was crying now i feel kinda playful after someone show some general concern for me 2 or 3 seconds of general concern for my well being and i was better, she really sent some of the real God through mental telepathy so bleh! you can't suppress my happiness by ignoring me, because there are little girls who will look into my eyes with their alien minds it's very special like the Fraggles remember the Fraggles fraggle rock on HBO , umm, or maybe like teletubbies, or umm, i dunno it was weird, umm, god her hips were so creamy nervuos tissue coming out of those pants, i mean i'm just a normal man with norml desires, i'm not weird or nuthin, er well you have to be weird to keep yourself happy in my situation, that's weird random little girls i never met heal my emotional wounds with eye contact, i think i'll write a newsletter about it, they have free printers here, i think i get that billion dollar corporation, this is better than that interface with the Gucci Ball (Liahona, spherical spacecraft this pastel thing i saw last september UFO in Albuquerque) you have to be REALLY SAD, and then they come and heal you, The Girls it's sort of an extraterrestrial conspiracy only happens to the really forlorn and melancholy you wouldn't understand, it's very interpersonal and unique.. umm,
Return to The Epistles.
|
